• Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
  • When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dogrun to the end of his chain and gag himself.
  • If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

[restrict]

  • Don’t assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
  • A penny saved is a government oversight.
  • The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at theright time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
  • The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by thenyour body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
  • The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy areplacement.
  • He who hesitates is probably right.
  • Did you ever notice:
  • The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ” XL.”
  • If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.
  • If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind toblame.
  • The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’sreally in trouble.
  • There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look forit. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinklesdon’t hurt.
  • Did you ever notice:
  • When you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs.” [/restrict]