• Confessions may be great for your soul, but they are hell for your reputation.
  • Yes, the early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

[restrict]

  • Do you remember when I asked you to give me your opinion? That’s right, me neither.
  • Sometimes it’s time to lay on the couch and do nothing at all for two years.
  • If the grass is greener on the other side, fair bet is, the water bill is higher too.
  • Of course you’re not stupid.
  •  You just have bad luck when you think.
  • If you want to keep a true perspective of your own importance, get a dog that will worship you and a cat that will scorn you.
  • My middle finger salutes you!
  • I’ll be there to catch you whenever you fall. Love, the floor.
  • A bag of money can be a symbol not only of wealth, but also of tremendous inflation.
  • The only scenario where you really need a land line today is when you’re trying to find your smartphone.
  • When you’re calling a woman, you need to call her twice. First time to give her a chance to find the phone in her handbag, the second time for her to actually answer.
  • Help a woman when she’s in trouble. She will remember you when she’s in trouble again.
  • Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
  • My wallet is like an onion. Opening it makes me cry.
  • Always be yourself. Unless you can also be a unicorn. In that case, always be a unicorn.
  • He who laughs last is a bit of a slow thinker.
  • Some people’s x-rays actually look much better than their photographs.
  • Television is a medium – anything well done is rare.
  • Of course I can keep secrets. But the people I tell them to obviously can’t. [/restrict]