Emotional Support is verbal and nonverbal processes by which one communicates care and concern for another, offering reassurance, empathy, comfort, and acceptance. (Dictionary of Psychology).
We can’t support people emotionally without emotional intelligence. Emotionally intelligent person is one with self awareness and self-control. She express herself with kindness and empathy. She understands. She is one that will walk in your shoes for a mile before passing judgment.
Bullies are cowards. Bullies live without boundaries. They don’t know where they begin and ends. Example – your grandmother invited their mother as a young girl to stay with her family because they had no place to go. Temle ngelakl e siukang er kid leng ngdiak el sebeched el dikid lo tebedid ra blai. That girl never left. She grew up, married to local man, had her children; now her children claim titles and personal properties belonging to your grandmother. We don’t want to be unkind so we let it go then comes court hearing. This happens when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel. Because of shame the bullies mistake your kindness as approval, then walk all over you. Ea belkul a tekoi a kmo “a rekung ra daob a mla chotitch a rekung ra beluu.” The thing with rekung is they are nonthinking species with deep hurts. Hurts turns to SHAME. And nonthinking turned SHAMELESSness. They need to be taught simply because the are incapable of emotional intelligence. They don’t know how to love themselves because they have never been loved. They live in fear. To calm their fear and shame they turn to their drug of choice. Drug of choice could be anything from positions, titles, accomplishments, to alcohol and illicit drugs.
Shame is not an emotion. Shame is a core belief of who we think we are. They have a negative view of themselves. They believe they are unworthy, of no value. When a child witness abuse — domestic violence — the child experience the abuse himself. When a child’s parent dies or leave, it is abandonment and rejection to child who unconsciously blame himself, feeling unworthy of parental love. That child will grow up with shame.
Emotional Support is to tell a child that she is loved whether she brought home good grades or not. And direct her eyes toward her creator. And we follow by building them up, not putting them down. Correct the wrong when it happens, not count them all and dump them all on her lap to manipulate the child. That’s bullying. Remind them of the good they have done and praise them verbally.
Remember that love is kind and patient.