I have all the money I’ll ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
I have the world’s largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world. Perhaps you’ve seen it.
[restrict]
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don’t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Only in America… do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
I was so poor growing up. If I wasn’t born a boy, I’d have nothing to play with.
Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. [/restrict]
