“Mom, don’t get alarmed, but I’m at the hospital.”
“Son, please. You’ve been a surgeon there for 8 years now.
***
Can we start our phone calls differently?”
[restrict]
The kangaroo mother got incredibly itchy around her belly. She opened her pouch and yelled into it:
***
“How often have I told you not to eat the crunchy cookies in bed!”
What if dogs fetch the ball back only because they think you really like throwing it?
***
“Little Jonny, why did you put your teddy in the freezer?”
-“I would like to have a polar bear.”
***
When a guy says he likes girls with a sense of humor, he doesn’t mean that he wants a girl to be really witty and funny. He means he wants her to laugh at his jokes.
***
Life Hack:
If you’re tired of waiting at a restaurant, just call their number and ask if they also deliver to table 16.
***
That moment when you’ve changed your answer in an exam in the very last second and later you realize the original answer was correct.
***
Why didn’t the dinosaur cross the road?
Because there weren’t even any roads during the Jurassic Period!
****
hy do you call your dog ”I-know-what-you-did”?
-I love how many people jump 3 feet high when I start calling him.
***
Financially I‘m set for life. Provided I die next Wednesday.
***
I broke my personal record for a 100 meter dash: I’m on 64 meters.
***
She: I have a doctor’s appointment today but I really don’t want to go…
He: Just call in sick then.
***
If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now. [/restrict]