• “I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I’d get.”
  • “I remember the time I was kidnaped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.”


  • “My uncle’s dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.”
  • I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.”
  • “Once when I was lost.. I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him…Do you think we’ll ever find them.? He said..I don’t know kid.. there are so many places they can hide.”
  • “I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor… so they sent a priest up to talk to me. He said.. On your mark…”
  • “On Halloween..the parents send their kids out looking like me. Last year.. one kid tried to rip my face off! Now it’s different.. when I answer the door the kids hand me candy.”
  • “I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in a library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.”
  • “My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday”. [/restrict]