•  A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
  • My new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with rum, vodka, or whiskey.

[restrict]

  •  New Year’s Eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper.
  • My New Year’s resolution is 1080p
  •  I’m getting drunk just thinking about tomorrow night.
  • My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.
  •  If you’re born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!
  • I have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have? Happy New Year!
  •  If 2016 was a person, I’d sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.
  •  This New Year’s I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess.
  • You don’t have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.
  •  People treat New Year’s like some sort of life-changing event. If your life sucked last year, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow.
  • I’ll remember 2016 like it was yesterday [/restrict]