Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards– Soren Kierkegaard
You must have heard this one: “Let go. It’s in the past.” Sounds wise and encouraging but the truth is: Our past forms our way of thought life.
Complex trauma is like a constellation of stars in the night sky. It’s never just one thing but a combination of many things. Complex trauma breed shame. Child abuse and profound neglect, domestic violence, and community violence, typhoon, tropical storms, viruses (covid19), fire and earthquakes bring shame.
SHAME IS NOT A FEELING. Shame takes the color out of life. It’s about identity. Shame is the core belief of your SELF. Shame is negative perception: not lovable, not valuable (worthless) not good enough… always feeling less than, and inferiority. Therefore, most healing of complex trauma is to heal the shame.
In the film, Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (Nicolas Cage and Penelope Cruz), there’s a scene that captured my heart and changed the way I think. The doctor on one of the islands of Greece, averaging over a hundred earthquakes a year, tells his daughter, (I’m paraphrasing) “When earthquake hits, there’ll be rubbles everywhere. We must wait until the rubbles settle then we start rebuilding again.” Like trauma in a family, most family treasures may be lost. The home is broken down. It’s not easy to be still when fear strikes. But if you don’t let things settle, one wrong move can trigger even more breakdown and downfall of many broken hearts especially in the children. Don’t try to fix things… just let things settle naturally. A time will present itself for rebuilding. Sometimes it comes when least expected. Ignore the self-righteous critics who are actually functioning in shame. They’re not in touch with reality. These people only look out (never looking inward) and project their fears and shame on you.
I’ve been contemplating on the Birth of Christ and healing of shame. Jesus was thought a bastard son of a Roman soldier. And because of the rumor, he may not have had a Bar Mizpah. Bar Mizpah is the initiation ceremony of a Jewish boy who has reached the age of 13 and is regarded as ready to observe religious precepts and eligible to take part in public worship. This is when they learn to memorize the Torah (the first five books of the Bible). When Jesus was 12 years old, his parents found him in the Temple in Jerusalem after the Passover and took him home to Nazareth (Luke 2). There’s no other record of his life until his baptism.
In Roman world, a father presents his son as a man in the public, saying “This is my son who brings me great joy.” God knew and announced to the world – “This is my son whom I am well pleased.” from the sky when Jesus was baptized (Mark 1:9-11). He was 30 years old. John writes “But to all who believed in him and accepted him, he gave the right to be called the children of God.” John 1:12 NLT. Sweet and tender loving heart of the Father to all of us who believe in His Son.
The LORD is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear. (Psalms 27).
Shame and Complex Trauma
