A Chinese Doctor can’t find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens his own clinic and puts a sign outside

‘GET TREATMENT FOR $20 – IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.’

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: ‘I have lost my sense of taste.’

[restrict]

Chinese: ‘Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient’s mouth.’

Lawyer: ‘Ugh. this is kerosene.’

Chinese: ‘Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20.’

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.

Lawyer: ‘I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything.’

Chinese: ‘Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth.’

Lawyer (annoyed): ‘This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste.’

Chinese: ‘Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20.’

The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.

Lawyer: ‘My eyesight has become very weak I can’t see at all.’

Chinese: ‘Well, I don’t have any medicine for that, so take this $100.’

Lawyer (staring at the note): ‘But this is $20, not $100!!’

Chinese: ‘Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20’

****

A man asks his friend for ..

A man asks his friend for a cigarette. His friend says, “I think you made a New Year resolution to quit smoking.”

The man says, “I am in the process of quitting. Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.”

“What’s phase one?”

“I’ve quit buying.”

***

The Doctor said: “The good new

The Doctor said: “The good news is I can cure your headaches…The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn’t concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was headache free for the first time in over 20 years, but he felt as if he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street he realized he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need, a new suit.”

The elderly salesman eyed him quickly and said, “Let’s see, you’re a size 44 long.”

Joe laughed and said, “That’s right, how did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years!”

Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the tailor asked, “How about a new shirt?” Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”

“Let’s see, 16 and a half neck, 34 sleeve.”

Joe was surprised. “How did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years.” The shirt fit perfectly.

As Joe looked at himself in the mirror, the salesman said, “You could use new shoes.”

Since Joe was on a roll, he said, “Sure.”

The man eyed Joe’s feet and said, “9-1/2E.”

Joe was astonished. “That’s right. How did you know?”

“Been in the business 60 years.” Joe tried on the shoes and they also fit perfectly.

As Joe walked comfortably around the shop, the salesman asked, “How about new underwear?”

Joe thought for a second and said, “Why not.”

The man stepped back, eyed Joe’s waist and said, “Let’s see, size 36.”

Joe laughed. “Finally I’ve got you! I’ve worn size 32 since I was 18 years old.”

The tailor shook his head. “You can’t wear a size 32. Size 32 underwear would press your testicles against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.” [/restrict]