Iris was reading her Saturday newspaper, while her husband, Ben, was engrossed the magazine.

Suddenly, Iris burst out laughing. ‘Listen to this, Ben,’ she said, ‘There’s a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to *Stamford Bridge.’


‘Hmmm,’ Ben said, not looking up from his magazine.

Teasing him, Iris asked, ‘Would you swap me for a season ticket?’

‘Absolutely not,’ Ben replied.

‘How sweet, ‘Iris continued, ‘Tell me why not.?’

‘Season’s more than half over,’ Ben trumpeted.

*Stamford Bridge is the stadium where Chelsea Football Club plays.


Stolen Fruit

Mary was taken before the judge accused of theft, and he asked her, ‘What did you steal?’

‘A small can of peaches,’ Mary replied, weeping.

The judge then asked her why she had stolen the peaches, and she replied that she was hungry.

The judge then inquired, ‘And how many peaches were in the can?’

Mary answered, ‘Only 6 small pieces.’

The judge harshly announced, ‘Then I will give you 6 days in jail.’ But before the judge could finish pronouncing the punishment, the woman’s husband, Derek, interrupted and asked the judge if he could say something?

The judge, slightly annoyed asked, ‘And what have you to say in your wife’s defence?’

Derek spoke clearly, ‘She also stole a large can of peas.’ [/restrict]