Woman: “I can make the boss give me the day off.”

Man: “And how would you do that?”

Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.


Boss comes in: “What are you doing?”

Woman: “I’m a light bulb.”

Boss: “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”

The man starts to follow her and the boss says: “Where are you going?”

The man says: “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”


A little girl came home from school and said to her mother, “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.”

The mother exclaimed, “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?”

The little girl replied, “My homework.”


The students were lined up in the cafeteria for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: “Take only ONE. God is watching.”

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”


Teacher: “If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?”

Vincent: “One dollar.”

Teacher: “You don’t know your arithmetic.”

Vincent: “You don’t know my father.”


Mother: “Why did you get such a low mark on that test?”

Junior: “Because of absence.”

Mother: “You mean you were absent on the day of the test?”

Junior: “No, but the kid who sits next to me was.”


This Lawyer Is Thorough…


The attorney tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.”

“What’s the bad news?” asks the accused.

“The bad news is, your blood ?is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.”

“What’s the good news?”

“Your cholesterol is 130.”


Long Tour of Duty

I work in a courthouse, so when I served jury duty, I knew most of the staff. As I sat with other prospective jurors listening to a woman drone on about how long the process was taking, a judge and two lawyers passed by, giving me a big hello. A minute later, a few maintenance workers did the same.

That set off the malcontent: “Just how long have you been serving jury duty?” [/restrict]