“What matters most to a child’s life chances is not the wealth of their upbringing but the warmth of their parenting.” -Great Britain Conservative Leader David Cameron
We have lived with such outrageous lies for hundreds, if not thousands of years, that our siukang says, “Kid a rechad er Belau a diak dolecholt a beltkil a rengud.” Does it mean it’s inappropriate for fathers [and mothers] to show affection to their children?
A siukang er kid kerdi oungeroel, e di oltuub ra dul mechell er tir e chomekrur er tir? Good LORD have mercy on us! We have too many taboos we have forgotten how to be real human. Ngkmal betok a mekull as if we need permission to breath. We’re so afraid to change and grow out of such taboos; afraid to stand out and be different from such distorted thinking we have come to consider ‘social norm’. Don’t you think it’s time to change?
The reality is that many men grew up without their father’s blessing – including those raised in Christian homes. The void that’s left by the lack of their father’s love is a set up for a long, hard struggle with all kinds of addictions including sex, workaholism, gluttony or some other false coping mechanism.
A father’s silence can be just as devastating as any kind of abuse; it leaves a child wondering “do I matter?”… “does he love me?”… “Am I worthy of being loved?”
Did you notice that when you praise some men for something good, they become confused and paranoid.
For those who have been abused verbally or physically, having a passive father would have been a blessing. The message of “you’re a piece of worthless junk that no one could love” is violently pounded into them until this is the (distorted) truth of their life. Receiving love and affection is almost impossible, and hopelessness, despair and rage set in. How can we receive love from another if our Dad, the “first and forever most important man in my life” says we’re a piece of worthless trash? Since no one loves garbage, lust becomes the best and safest “love” one can hope for.
In their book The Blessing, Gary Smalley and John Trent describe the blessing that every boy and girl needs from their father growing up as:
Meaningful touch; to be hugged consistently and often.
A spoken message; to hear the words “I love you” consistently and often.
Attaching high value; to know we matter and are worth being loved.
Picturing a special future, which is to know that we have potential – unique gifts and capabilities God can use to bless others with later on.
An active commitment, meaning we received the first four parts of the blessing on a consistent basis as we grew up. If a child who hears his father say “I love you” once during the first ten years of his life, he’ll buy into the message of rejection from the silence of the nine years and 355 days, not what was said one time. (I forgive my parents that never said “I love you”… they just didn’t know how.).
When Isaac blessed his son Jacob, later named Israel, he was a young man. Today, that blessing still holds. Whatever we missed in our growing up years can be restored just for the asking. God is really into restoration business. [/restrict]