Hindsight vision is 20/20. It is easy to understand after it has already happened. 

My youngest child was adopted. I had no say in it. Everything I said fell on deaf ears.  I was told:  Ng tekingir ar mekedung meng kirek el dilmuk e chorrengs e cholngesenges. I had to obey as if it was a command of God. It messed me up more than I care to admit. In my healing journey with my therapist I recognized how sensitive I was and worse, I felt like a nobody’s child. It was a long uphill battle of my life. In reflection I realized I was in denial in order to survive. Other times I suspected I was suffering with dissociative disorder.

Dissociative disorders are mental disorders that involve experiencing a disconnection and lack of continuity between thoughts, memories, surroundings, actions and identity. People with dissociative disorders escape reality in ways that are involuntary and unhealthy and cause problems with functioning in everyday life.  Example:  A ten year old boy was beaten badly, tied to a coconut tree in the woods all night long. In the morning his father untied him and send him to school. He walks to school with an empty stomach, disconnected and oblivious of abuses the night before. It can be for good or for evil.

“Knowledge is just the first step to behavioral change. We don’t need to just inform, we need to encourage attitude adjustments.(Schrader and Lawless). Jesus said it this way, “Follow me.”  He knows we’re human and are easily distracted, miss a step, trip on a rock and fall and hurt ourself and others. Still we get up, shake the dust off, and take the first step to follow again and again until we leave this earth. A work of a lifetime.

Denial is a defense mechanism in which an individual refuses to recognize or acknowledge objective facts or experiences. It’s an unconscious process that serves to protect the person from discomfort or anxiety. (Psychology Today). Denial gets us through the pain until  any trial until you’re strong enough emotionally, mentally and spiritually to pass the test. It’s a process – a long process.

Thank God for science of psychological denial and dissociative disorders.  I’m convinced that they are the factors for so many dysfunctional family relationships. It’s the love-hate relationships that hold people in a bondage of numbness. We are surprised when abuses are rampant, and our youth commit suicide while some leave our shores looking fir a better life.

At the top of my uphill battle i found healing in Ephesians 1:5 “God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great delight.” The story of the Bible is therefore story of adoption. We are all adopted into God’s spiritual family as a chosen child of God like Abraham and Sarah. ❤️

The child who was adopted is now in her 40s.  She has blessed me with five beautiful grandchildren.

Thank you Jesus for Easter.  There’s always a resurrection after the cross of suffering and pain.

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