If you cannot feel transformation in your life, your faith remains only in the mind about God.  Intelligence will never persuade you to a new hunger, new desires… a new life.  In other words, you may do all that is required of you but no real change within.  Without transformation, your faith is reduced to doctrine, ideas, and propositions.  Without transformation, we are always keeping score, we see clearly the dust in someone else’s eye but blind to the plank in our eyes. So for us to find a place or a mindset of milk and honey is what Blaise Pascal, a French philosopher, said, “All humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”  So the new point of milk and honey in my personal journey is a place where I sit alone and not do anything.  I have a long way to go.   It is  hard.  I’ve been thinking of falling off the grid for 29 days and see what happens.  But I’m not ready yet.  I love my Sugar Crash a bit much.  While I’m playing the games I have this guilt gnawing in the back of my head reprimanding me for wasting time.  I found a way to cure that… listening to audio book while I play games. Now and then I hear a word I don’t know and automatically swipe to dictionary.  Olekoi…. why?  

Scott Peck describes both  neuroses and character disorders as disorders of responsibility.  In the Road Less Traveled, Peck writes

“The neurotic assumes too much responsibility; the persons with a character disorder not enough.  When neurotics are in conflict with the world, they automatically assume that they are at fault.  When those with character disorders are in conflict with the world, they automatically assume the world is at fault.”  So either you keep yourself busy to make sense of your life, or you blame those terrible person in your life. LOL  Life is complex. We are complicated beings.

John Bradshaw writes in his book, Healing the Shame that Binds You, All of us have a smattering of neurotic and character disordered personality traits.  The major problem in our lives is to decide and clarify our responsibilities.  To truly be committed to a  life of honesty, love and discipline, we must be willing to commit ourselves to reality.  This commitment according to Peck, “requires the willingness and the capacity to suffer continual self-examination.”  Such an ability requires a good relationship with oneself.  When I retired, I reminded myself, “It’s okay to stay up late and sleep in tomorrow morning… you don’t have to go to work and truly nobody cares.”  This is precisely what no shame-based person has.  In fact, a toxically shamed person has an adversarial relationship with him/herself.  Toxic shame- the shame that binds us – is a core part of neurotic and character disorder syndromes of behavior. 

“I am flawed and defective as a human being.”   One feels important because of her cultural status especially in Women’s Conference not only in Palau… but worldwide. 

Healing Toxic shame is a must because it is no longer an emotion that signals our limits; it is a state of being, a core identity.    Toxic shame gives you a sense of worthlessness, a sense of failing and falling short as a human being.  Toxic shame destroys the self with the self that makes us believe that we do not have shadows.

To remind ourselves that we are worth something is to look at the Cross of Jesus Christ and accept the truth that He came to save us from ourselves. 

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