“Self awareness reminds us that there is no destination to our journey. The process itself is destiny.” ~Unknown
Self loathing is quite subtle and deceiving that you’re unaware of it until you find yourself running around like that hamster- busy running but going nowhere. Or that infamous dog trying to catch his own tail. It’s an unending circular motion without moving forward. Dealing with our hearts that had been broken is complicated and conflicting in nature. If we don’t acknowledge its brokenness we remain stuck. Because we are by nature complex beings. David express it this way: I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
I know of a young man who explained his broken heart by drawing a picture. He said, “I see my heart like a glass that’s been crushed into million pieces and strewn on the ground. Each time I try to pick up the pieces I cut my my fingers and bleed.” It was an imagination of an artist. His father kicked him out when he was twelve. His mother looked the other way and died who he was a boy. He was different and misunderstood. Moving from house to house, living with his friends until they kick him out made him do something that sends him to jail. He said that jail is warm, serves three meals a day with indoor plumbing. I really didn’t know what to say. And to tell him at that moment that Jesus came for people like him wouldn’t have made a dent. Religious platitudes can be superficial that can do more damage than good. He just needed to be heard.
Guilt is the sum total of: All the negative feelings we have ever had about ourselves! Any form of Self-hatred, Self rejection, feelings of worthlessness, sinfulness, inferiority, incompetence, failure, or emptiness. The feeling that we are missing out or sense of being incomplete. These are crazy making emotions that can drive anyone to the edge.
I’m still struggling with self-loathing.
The purpose of a heart journey is getting to know self more and leave the rest to mystery. Mystery develops faith, trusting that you are enough will carry through storm. Some things are not meant for us to know. We just have to trust our Creator.
Dr Firestone tells us that our imaginations are powerful to keep any broken hearted boy and girl survive. Anither aspect of the journey is to be able to know the difference between an imagination and reality.
ATE or defense (?)
