If the path you have taken is too easy, you’re on the wrong path. -Anonymous
Lately, I’ve been thinking about my mother. I knew that I needed to really understand her to forgive her. I knew she meant well but I was carrying this fear in my unconscious mind that I was not good enough. Why was she so critical of me? Everything had to be done perfectly according to her standards. I felt inadqequate and stupid.
It’s been quite a journey to find my heart. Everything is worth it. We are not aiming to become perfect but to become whole by integrating our light and our shadows.
Years ago when I was a young working woman, my boss said to me once that I was a hardworking person, very conscientious. It took me a while to realize that it came from my upbringing. I was a bonafide people pleaser. I lived in fear of judgment and rejection for a long time. And it became an obstacle for my growth but worth every step of the way.
My mother lost her mother when she was three month old infant. She married my father at sixteen. It was an arranged marriage. She lost her adopted mother and her two oldest kids during WWII. She lost her ou btother. She became a widow at thirty-nine with eight children. Her oldest son was nineteen. The baby was two. I’m exhausted just writing these facts about the woman who gave birth to me.
This is the story that broke my heart. A story that did set me free to totally understand and forgive my mother: During the 2nd World War while my father was working in another village when the siren rang out for the village people to run for safety – air raid shelter. She took her two children, a small bag and an umbrella intent on going to one of the bokungo but heard a bomber fly overhead. With her children on both arms she ran into the mangroves and managed to open the umbrella she had for cover.
We all know that umbrellas couldn’t even stand the chance against a typhoon.
I am thankful to God for saving my mother and her children or I wouldn’t be here to tell the story. I can honestly say I do love my mother.
Thank you for reading. ♡♡♡