Walk with the wise and become wise … Proverbs 13:20

The more I allowed God to take away my pain of insecurity, the more He releases me to freedom.  Freedom to be me, willing to be ridiculed and rejected by those who believe they’re god and must tell you how to act, live, and think, and even feel.  They are narcissists. 

Someone said that at some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible that the only next possible step to do is to stop.  Leave them alone.  Walk away.  It’s not like you’re giving up, and it’s not like you shouldn’t try.  It’s just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation.  What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be. I had to learn to love myself a little more.  I also found that those who are entitled don’t ever say “thank you.”

Codependence is like being a co-pilot.  Always waiting for the command to do.  Ross Rosenberg in his book, the HUMAN MAGNET SYNDROME opened my eyes to understand the toxic relationship between a codependent and the narcissist, he called the dance.  You become so entangled with the narcissist and forget to live as a person.  I doubt God wanted codependents that’s why He gave human beings a power to choose.  We choose not because of fear but because of love.  Codependent pleases, fixes, and follows the narcissist.  In my journey from codependency to interdependency, I’ve noticed that I was deceived/manipulated to think I was doing a good thing.  And in doing so, we do lose our souls.  To understand codependency, one must learn more about a narcissist. 

Narcissist is one who lives in a fantasy world that support their delusions of grandiose. One thing we must know is we are all born with some traits of narcissism.  As we grow and mature, we build our ego boundaries and become oneself… no more or less powerful than others.  Narcissists do not have boundaries… they want to control everything.  They hate you when you show more strength as an individual.  It upsets them when you choose not to dance the dance with them leading. 

Becoming more independent in my thinking, I chose a different path – looking for meaning, frantic search for my identity.  I asked myself, “Am I a narcissist?  Who am I?  I got weary of being someone’s child, daughter, sister, … where do I fit in this web of push and pull.  Why do I allow myself to be used, abused, manipulated, deceived, and demonized?  What is wrong with me?   I do so much and nobody even say: thank you.  I didn’t like what I was thinking as a victim.  I realized that it is my choice to be co-pilot.  Codependency is using a relationship to fill a bottomless void due to not feeling whole and loved as an individual.  It’s not the need to be loved that’s the issue, it’s the inability to love one’s self that causes the dysfunction.

God teach me to love myself correctly.

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