My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not.
It is important to make breaks between individual exercises. I personally stick to breaks of about 3-4 years.
Sometimes I drink water – just to surprise my liver.
[restrict]
Hearing voices in your head is normal. Listening to them is quite common. Arguing with them – acceptable. It is only when you lose that argument that you get in real trouble.
Of course I have a talent. I’m really good in bed. Sometimes I sleep more than 9 hours in one go.
“If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to the height of your ego and jump down to your IQ level.”
According to my mirror I am pregnant. The father is Nutella.
My love for you is like diarrhea. I just cannot hold it back.
I’m sorry, could you please help me fix my phone? It doesn’t appear to have your number.
I have a telepathic watch and they’re telling me you’re not wearing any panties. (But I am wearing my panties!) Oh! Damn, that thing‘s an hour fast.
If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate, would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate?
Organized people are simply too lazy to search for stuff.
A jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million years, surviving just fine without a brain. That gives hope to quite a few people.
My relationship is like an iPad. I don’t have an iPad.
I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. I am perfect.
If I can still lie on the ground without having to hold myself, I’m not drunk.
Do people talk about you behind your back? Simply fart.
They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes. I did the math. Seems I died in 1543.
As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me.
There are people who are a living proof that total brain failure does not always lead to physical death.
When somebody doesn’t get something:
I’m sorry, I have neither the patience, nor the coloring crayons to explain this to you.
Finally, the spring is here! I’m so thrilled I wet my plants. [/restrict]
