STACI ELDREDGE writes, “Every woman knows now that she is not what she was meant to be. And she fears that soon it will be known– if it hasn’t already been discovered– that she will be abandoned.  Left alone to die a death of her heart. That is a woman’s worst fear. Isn’t it?”

This is what we inherited from Eve.

The pain of abandonment or being excluded is like thousand little cuts in your heart that cause bleeding. You cover each cut with a band-aid  to keep from staining your life until you’re suffocating. Eventually you’ll look like an Egyptian mummy. Instead of finding healing, you begin to live in fear. Women are so afraid of being insignificant,  they become control freaks, like an entitled conductor of a symphony orchestra at Royal Albert Hall in London. Lol 😆 that’s a hyperbole.

Fear controls!

In the early years of my life I was so insecure, so afraid of rejection and abandonment that made living hard, even to breath. Insecurity is an inner feeling of being threatened and or inadequate in some way. The majority of relationship insecurity is based on irrational thoughts and fears—that you are not good enough, that you will not be OK without a partner, that you will never find anyone better, that you are not truly lovable. It’s toxic shame at the core. The flip side of insecurity is  “people pleasers” which is the vein of our custom. The problem with people pleasers is a narcissistic behavior with the same controlling qualities as the unavailable parent emotionally or physically from childhood.  People pleasers step into codependent role  by becoming obsessed with the needs of the other person to the detriment of their own needs.  We say, “Kede mong mekede remuul a chised e mei meke domrotcht a bubuu.”

My heart used to break into pieces each time I’m not included in whatever -and wherever [I felt] I belonged ‘in the circle’ (borrowing Henri Nouwen’s description of exclusivity in relationships). Its called “entitlement.” I thought I was entitled to be included. The whole process was a blessing in disguise. It pushed me to accept my “self” as an individual. Being excluded was a trigger to a deeper wound of childhood that needed healing. I came to rest in the fact that I’m not entitled to anything special. I can still thrive whether I’m in the circle or not.  The key is gratitude. Im thankful that anything outside of need is Grace… Serendipity!

The pain is the cry of the inner child in us that asks, “Do you see me?” “Am I lovely?”  “Am I captivating?”

Yes! You are all of the above and so much more. You are LOVED by GOD who thought of you before he thought of the Universe.

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