I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.

He told me to quit going to those places.  Henny Youngman


One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine.

Sir William Osler

I’ve wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I’m happy to state I finally won out over it.


Mary Chase

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they’re in August.

The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian.

He can’t ask his patients what is the matter-he’s got to just know.  Will Rogers

A man walked into the doctor’s, The doctor said ‘I haven’t seen you in a long time’

The man replied, ‘I know I’ve been ill’.

Funny Doctors Advice –


During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he told his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.

‘Which one?’ The doctor asked.

‘The patch’ he replied.  ‘The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!’

The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he wouldn’t see.  Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now, the instructions on the packaging include: ‘Removal of the old patch before applying a new one’.


A man comes into the Emergency Room and yells . . .’  My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab.’

As the on-duty doctor I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady’s dress and began to take off her underwear.

Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs – and I was in the wrong one. [/restrict]