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- I don’t work well under pressure… or any other circumstance.
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks
Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
A work week is so rough that after Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
I couldn’t work today because of an eye problem. I just can’t see myself working today.
When in doubt, mumble.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
When it comes to work, change is inevitable, except from the vending machine. [/restrict]