The feeling of shame is a fact which absolutely distinguishes [us] from our lower nature. ~Vladimir Soloviev (Russian Philosopher and Theologian).
There is a nice irony in shame: our feelings of inferiority are a sure sign of our superiority, and our feelings of unworthiness testify to our great worth. A creature meant to be a little lower than God is likely to feel a deep dissatisfaction with herself when she falls a notch below the splendid human being she was meant to be. If we never feel shame, we have lost contact with our true selves. If we feel pain, it’s because we are healthy enough to feel the discomfort from being less than what we know we were meant to be. This is Healthy Shame. [Lewis B. Swedes]
No all-bad feelings are unhealthy and shameful. They are here to tell us of our deeper problems like some memories buried so deep in our unconscious brain and are itching to out. Understanding my shameful self-led me to my healing journey. All the dirt thrown at me began to smell so bad and they drove me to read books about shame and self-loathing.
I believed that if I thought I had worth it meant I was too proud and arrogant. If I thought I was not so ugly I was full of myself. If I thought I was smart enough to think it meant I was delusional. And I believed what was said to me especially after my father’s death. I thought that maybe I caused his death. In my research I concluded that I grew up under the control of a narcissistic personality disorder. And I began to see how God was intent on pursuing me because I was dishonoring his creation. He came to save me and the gifts and talents he gave me.
I had to tell myself that I am loved unconditionally by the One who created me in my mother’s womb. 💯 and so should you. We are the Beloved of LORD GOD ALMIGHTY.