Grief is like a river. You can’t dam it up.  You can’t make it to go faster.  You’ll just have to allow God to take it at his pace. ~ Mark Freeberger & et al.

I know you can’t push your grief down because it’ll find a way out somehow. Sometimes it’s quite ugly. 

My beloved passed through this life into eternity a few weeks ago.  He was so sick, it broke my heart. I was torn between feeling relieved he’s no longer in pain and wished he got healed and lived longer. I was hoping he’d have a child or two. It didn’t happen. One thing for sure is he got eternal healing. And someday I will be healed on the other side just like him. Aaq

Life tend to get worse before it gets better. I’m still grieving and I’m not going to pretend I’m doing fine because I’m not doing fine. I have to work through this. I’m only human with warm blood running through my veins. It’s going to take a while. This too shall pass.

My mindset changed when I stopped asking God why he hasn’t healed me of this incurable and debilitating physical disease.  I know he can with a snap of his fingers. But this I know — he has and still is  healing my broken heart, my damaged emotions and the  fractures of my mind. Perhaps He’s protecting me from squandering the gifts He had blessed me with. I don’t know. For whatever reason He has not. I’m content even with pain and  discomforts, losses, and daily challenges. 

The most amazing thing about this time of my life is I don’t feel like I’m missing out on life. I’ve been contemplating on how we all have the power to live the best way we can knowing we’re all going to leave this place and go to the next.

The heart of GOD is so pure, overflowing with love for us that his desire is to bless us and to bless us abundantly and to keep us safe under his wings like a hen gathering his chicks under his wings. Safe and warm close to his heart. This beautiful picture of safety should change the way we think. But when healing is in eternity, we wonder why others are healed this side of heaven and some aren’t. 

Trying to understand the desire of God’s heart ìs perhaps a formidable prospect for me. The LORD declares, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

Your life is not about you, rather your life is about everyone you touch. And when you came to  believe in Jesus Christ, His Spirit came into your heart and gave you gifts that equip you to build those around you.  There are no second class citizens in the Kingdom of God. We’re all the same in his eyes.

Here.

Here is a good place. Here is where I wait. I wait and dance the fluid dance of surrendering … of letting go and letting God.

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