A tourist asked the waitress in a small restaurant in a small town if there was a place nearby where he could stay for the night. She told him of a place about a quarter of a mile up the road. She said pointing out the window. “A lot of my customers stay there. They have cabins for rent.”
“Are the cabins nice?”
“I wouldn’t know. But I haven’t heard anyone complain.”
“Would they complain if they didn’t like it?”
She rolled her eyes, “Some people complain if the ice in their cola is too cold.”
I chuckled when I read that exchange. I understood. Yes, we complain about almost anything. Like the rain is unrelenting. It’s too hot. Too humid. The traffic… the air-conditioner is too cold. It’s too windy. Well, you get the point. I try not to complain but sometimes it’s difficult. So from anger and frustration to mild annoyance to tolerance, I come to be still with my thoughts and change my distorted view of entitlement to accepting the truth that life is never about me.
I’m sure you know people who can’t seem to tolerate little unpleasantness you said without meaning them… as we always do. Te kora aikel btuu (boil) el kmal merkang meng di telkib el tekoi ma telkib el cheluut ete mechesngoi. Either e te fight back or they pull down the curtain of silence. It’s known as walking on eggshells. Or it’s like walking on minefield… you could make a wrong step and they explode.
Blames, Complaints, and Self-Defense are the worst enemies of our growth. Actually they are derived from pride and arrogance. They also come from wounded heart that has become infected and poisonous. They are toxic behaviors. At some point we just need to stop complaining, blaming, and justifying our unpleasant behaviors by shifting blame into accepting reality that I can’t have everything.
Stand in front of the mirror. If we wish to be respected by others, then we have to be willing to be completely honest with ourselves by recognizing our own toxic behaviors and to actively change those behaviors.
For some of us, these toxic behaviors may be obvious while, for others, it may be more challenging. If it is relatively challenging, then ask yourself: “How do I try to control other people in my life? Do I struggle to accept the decisions that others make? Do I try to fix other people’s problems for them? Do I ever communicate in a demeaning way?”
Trust that things will get better. When we’re in the midst of stress in trying to set boundaries with the people with toxic behaviors in our lives, it can be very difficult to see the “light at the end of the tunnel.” We may find ourselves wondering why we decided to even bothered to start setting boundaries (minding my own business) in the first place because it is causing so much extra stress in our lives.
I can assure you – it does get better! So keep on doing it and, eventually, you will find yourself in this comfortable place that is virtually free of toxic behaviors.
And it all begins with you. [/restrict]