(Life of Grace)
Seek revenge and you should dig two graves. One for yourself. ~Confucius
I have come to see clearly that forgiveness is one of the most selfish act one can do. Why I think this way? Because it is for my own good to forgive. I don’t forgive you for your well being. I forgive you for my well-being. Again, the word of Jesus Christ is sharp like a two edged sword. It doesn’t matter how you cut it, it cuts both ways. When I obey and choose to forgive I also cut through my hardened heart and expose what needs to be done – to forgive myself. I’ve done things that are disrespectful and shamefully unkind to others and to myself. Not to mention offending my GOD because of pride. Some things I’m ashamed to say because I only show you the good stuff. I believe that healthy shame protects us from our falseness. I also believe that if I never feel shame, I have become either totally divine or totally corrupt — and my best intuitions tell me I am neither. I receive God’s forgiveness freely given through his Son so I can forgive myself and others. You can’t give what you don’t have.
Forgiveness is a hard work. It’s not easy to forgive those hurt and betrayed you deeply, those who neglected you when you were a child, inflicting wounds so deep in you. It’s easy to say “I forgive”, however, it’s the forgiving in the heart and mind that can be difficult to do. Sometimes you have to say it hundreds of time. You’ll know you have totally forgiven your offender when you let the event run through your mind. If it doesn’t trigger something in you, you’ve succeeded. Moreover, you stop talking about it or ruminating it. You don’t have to be their friend, however. Just move on.
I said to someone, “Aren’t you tired of being angry about the same thing year after year? It’s time you forgive and move on. Become your own parent. Do for yourself what you wish your parents did for you. Sometimes we need to accept that fact that there are those who are just incapable of love.
Unforgiveness makes us bitter and resentful. We become very toxic. It makes us self-righteous and shameless. We become too busy pointing our fingers on other people and their sins and flaws. We condemn them to hell demanding our way as the right way not realizing we’re creating our own hell. Very toxic.
I always wondered about Michael Jackson and what gossip and tabloids painted him out to be. I didn’t care. I only saw an amazing artist. I love his music, his singing, and dancing. His moon walking was phenomenal. He was a beautiful human being. Flawed and broken, maybe, but beautiful. His song, “Man in the Mirror” moved me to think kindly. Yes! if I want peace, it begins with me. If I want to end conflicting chaos in my life it begins with me. I need not demand you to stop. I stop. If I want to end hunger I’d share my bread. I would do unto you what I want done unto me. Grace reminds me that I do not deserve your kind heart to forgive me. Thus gratitude is integrated into our thought life and transforms us.
There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness.