Life is a journey built on choices and integrity.
Maturity is often defined as the ability to take responsibility for one’s actions and to show empathy towards others, rather than being solely based on age. It involves understanding one’s own emotions and behaviors, and responding to challenging situations with self-awareness and consideration. Maturity also encompasses the capacity to learn from experiences, both positive and negative, and to grow from them.
When I was in high school I really believed that the teachers and my classmates didn’t like me. So I learned to detached emotionally. I get bored easily and wanted to run away and go home. Bored? Not. I think i was afraid of being found out that I was not a good person.
The truth is nobody hated me. They’re too busy living, dealing with their growing pains to hate me. I was gaslit on a daily basis like memorizing a Bible verse. Daily gaslighting really destroyed the child’s psyche. And it did mess me up big time. I had difficulty concentrating in the classroom. It was hard finishing a book when i was 16-18. It drove me nuts. Studying for a test was very difficult. I couldn’t wait to leave high school.
I was dependent on relatives. I had no home. No parent and no siblings.
I became a very angry girl at age 12. After father died I was assigned as a scapegoat. When gaslighting began it became a daily battle. I didn’t understand why so much rejection. Domestic abuse can include: coercive control such as being told where to go and what to wear or being isolated from friends and family. I began to understand why I remained an adolescent in a woman’s body. I was twenty-seven at the time.
Integrity is such a beautiful word, always reminding me to be true to myself at the risk of being shamed or dismissed. To always be honest whether someone is watching or not is integrity. To be honest with myself without fear of being dismissed. Another way to wholly self-acceptance. I embraced all my good, the bad, and the ugly. Learning to love myself as Jesus loves.
Love without respect is poison.