Even though God has delivered me of so much mental and emotional torment that I struggled with for years, I will never forget what it was like living in the battleground of Gettysburg.  I don’t want to forget how it was living in the zone where my brain won’t shut down filled anxiety that I will never measure up. Remembering my emotional struggles and what I went through keeps me grounded as I work with others. I watch carefully like a sobriety in my heart.  Like a recovering alcoholic going to AA meetings regularly so she won’t slip and fall off the wagon. In other words I guard my heart for it is the wellspring of life.  When the heart is good the mind follows. When the mind is healthy, the emotions are at peace with my world.

For months I spent hours researching about the sermon on the mountain (Matt 5).  The first is ‘Blessed are the poor in the spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven’.  Do I have walk around with my shoulders hunched, feeling sorry for myself in order to find that kingdom? No!

Poor in the spirit means you are never far away from recognizing your genuine need for God to do further work in your heart. You’re still in the process where there’s always room to grow. You get awakened to reflect where you’ve come from and what God had done and how far He has brought you through. I still remember what it was like living in denial that I had no issues. Living as if I were invincible. 

I know how it felt going through emotional hell. I remember how my brain won’t shut down because of trauma and drama of a family without a father where some of us ├Żour needs were never met because of scarcity. Remembering develops patience, and build in you a compassionate heart.  Remembering keeps you grounded knowing you’re just one among many who have need of God today and tomorrow and always.

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