1. Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.

  1. What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?


Same middle name.

  1. I couldn’t believe that the highway department called my dad a thief.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

  1. My grandfather died peacefully, in his sleep…

…not screaming like the passengers in his car.

  1. What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between you and me, something smells.

  1. What do Cannon Balls do when they’re in love?

Make bbs.

  1. Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog?

He wanted to get a long little doggie.

  1. If you want to find out who loves you more, stick your wife and dog in the trunk of your car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is happy to see you?

  1. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.

That’s just how I roll.

  1. Cole’s Law: Thinly Sliced Cabbage
  1. I intend to live forever.

So far, so good. [/restrict]