God answers prayers on the ground of redemption and on no other.  ~Oswald Chambers

You are not the darkness you endured. You are the light that refused to surrender.” ― John Mark Green

We are all born narcissistic – egocentric, growing up in a toxic world. In other words, narcissism is a normal stage in child development, but it is considered a disorder when it occurs after puberty.  0ur genes play a significant role in determining our adult selves, how we were cared for as children is integral to our adult mental health and the quality of our relationships. Whether we embrace our unique childhood history, or we try to mute, forget or deny it, there is no way of refuting its impact on our lives.

Some of you grew up in a home where major trauma, abuse, deprivation, or neglect didn’t take place. You grew up knowing you were loved unconditionally.

Rosenberg writes, “You may have had a healthy upbringing without any major trauma, deprivation, or neglect. As one of the fortunate ones you would have had parents who despite making normal parenting mistakes were unconditionally loving and caring.and you grew up believing that life is sacred. Unfortunately this was not my experience.”

Unfortunately when I turned twelve I lost my father. But I grew up with memories of his love and encouragement.  When I was rejected or neglected, memories of my father’s love kept my head up despite of his missing. I used to talk to him.lol

 Someone said “The loss of my father will always sting. But now everything that I do, I do in honor of him and celebrate his life.”  I know deep in my heart my father would be very proud of me. I can see his smile. And that’s good enough for me.

Life is a gift and I don’t intend to waste it. It’ll take a lot of energy to get rid of excess baggage to enjoy the music in the air. It takes courage to accept the fact you’re not so different from people like me who had been bullied, emotionally abused, neglected.  It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge our brokenness, our weaknesses and our shadows that leads up to a life that make sense.

My grandfather once said, “No matter the circumstances or where you are, you will never cease to be my granddaughter.” If ever I felt BELONGING it was then. He made me feel secure. People who reject you don’t know where to place you.

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