We were made for love relationships. Our brains were designed to love and to forgive. Toxic relationship does not love and does not forgive. It is about control that some have come to call respect. You find yourself unable to enjoy good moments with this or that person. You find yourself uncomfortable, afraid to speak your mind. You put on a different face just to be accepted by that person. You realize you don’t even recognize yourself anymore, and neither do your closest friends. Every day brings another challenge. It seems as though they are always raising gripes about you. Their attempt to control your behavior is an attempt to control your happiness.


Because of the reality that your soul does not inhabit the environment you were created for – paradise – an atmosphere of joy, love, intrigue, curiosity, and adventure – harm in all forms comes to us all. Those little comments – demeaning, exposing or shaming we think are harmless are really dark poisonous arrows piercing the hearts and souls of those we love. And we wonder why they’d rather spend time away from us.

A young woman once told me that her husband doesn’t want her to wear lipstick. WOW! in this century? I wanted to say, “Is your husband that insecure?” I can see now why she looked old and tired. Like a plant without daily water and sunshine, she was withering outside, dying inside. I thought of my father. Mother told me once that my father wanted her to look nice before she gets out of her bedroom. She always dressed appropriately, modest and clean – always smelled nice– lotion and perfume, even when she woke us up for school. I can still recall her fragrance. We are always to grow and change for the better.

My counselor said to me, “It’s important that if you’re feeling uncomfortable or unsettled in the relationship that you not wait around until the effects of the misery settle into depression. Depression can be so deceiving that you never consider yourself depressed. You think it’s normal to stagnate, to stop growing… to drown in toxin and medicate yourself with your drug of choice. It’s not.” With trepidation, I walked out.

Walking out of a toxic relationship did not send me to Neverland – with sugar and spice and where children can fly. No, it got worse. But I chose not to be abused even when I had to stand alone. The irony is I found better friends or they found me. Pure grace like serendipity finds you. Not the other way around.

Toxic relationship does not allow you to grow and change. Whenever you aim to grow and improve yourself, the other person responds with mockery and disbelief. There is no encouragement or support for your efforts. Instead, they keep you stuck in old judgments insisting that you will never be any different than you are now. Not true. The capacity to grow, to learn, to improve is beyond our imaginations. Brain scientists say that your brain has something like 300 Million + years of capacity to grow and improve. A journey of the heart to be more like Christ! [/restrict]