So the question is: How will I live this year?
We addressed the first Horseman, contempt. Contempt like a sulfuric acid kills love.
The next three horsemen are:
● Criticism: Attacking a partner’s character. Criticism has its pluses. Criticism can make you strong. They can also make you look for blind spot so you can change lane and avoid unnecessary stressful collisions.
● Defensiveness: Protecting from criticism by using excuses or shifting blame. Defensiveness is a reaction to shame and guilt. Being defensive is also reaction to anxiety or inability to be contained or restrained. “I don’t know” is okay. I like Queen Elizabeth II way of dealing with the British Press. “Never complain, never explain.”
● Stonewalling: Withdrawing from communication by ignoring, zoning out or acting busy. To stop a discussion from developing by refusing to answer questions or by talking in such a way that you prevent other people from giving their opinions. Stonewalling is such an arrogant behavior. It’s saying, “You’re not worth my time.”
Of these four, Gottman says, the biggest predictor of a failed relationship is contempt.
He also said that contemptuous individuals can really mess up your immune system.
I want to live with the four horsemen on the wayside. I want to live with love, kindness, and an eighteen wheeler truckloads of gratitude.
Let’s choose love. I don’t do resolutions because I know myself too well. I choose living with love. We will fail, trip, and stumble, make mistakes. But as my father would say, “Get up, shake the dirt off, and keep walking.”
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
Thank you ♡