Someone said, “Success is when those who know you the best are those who love you the most.”
“If only it were so simple! If only there were evil people… and if it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing the good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?” – Alexander Solzhenitsyn [restrict]
Apostle Paul writes to the Romans of the waging war within, “I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.”
Years ago a self-assessment tool was developed by Joseph Luft and Harry Ingram called the Johari window. The Johari Window helps us realize where we are in our ability to know who we are and for others to know who we are. See if you can identify what category you might fall among them. Let’s look into the first two windows:
Transparent Life (Open Area) Transparent life is the life we should desire. I know who I am and others know me. There is nothing hidden. They know my temperament. They know I can be bad, ugly, but also good. They know who I am as an individual and basically people get what they see in me. No hidden agenda. They know who you are but still love and even like you.
Bull-In-The-China Shop (Blind Spots) This person is blinded to the things that others recognize about him. Ngdiak lesang a, e di oltelechakl er kau. The solution to becoming transparent is to get feedback from those around us about the blind spots in our personality. Ke de mecherei meng subedid el uasei, “Tia dechil a chisngem…” leng diak desang. We must ask for the feedback and be willing to respond to their input. When I’m told of my bad, I would try, and I mean, really try not to defend myself. Usually the first thing that comes to mind is, “Meng diak mudusukau eh?” The truth is our defenses come from fear. So the question we need to ask ourselves is “What am I afraid of?” Most of the time we fear of having been found out that we’re not perfect. Who is?
Change comes from trusting the person acting as your mirror. They see that you’ve stepped into a dangerous area and say something because they have your best interest at heart. It’s like driving a car and looking into the back mirror or the side mirror to avoid collision. Our blind spots destroy our relationships.
Denying the dysfunctions of our upbringing keeps us from changing. We must remember that we were nurtured by our parents and caregivers. The fact is your desire to change is not about them. It is about you. Our caregivers were victims of victims, and unconsciously transferred their fears, shame and guilt on us through their behaviors and attitudes. You don’t have to tell the world of your past. Tell someone you trust. Freedom comes from opening that window of admission and confession and let fresh air in.
Healing of our brokenness is as the Chuukese say, “Ekis me ekis”… little by little… one day at a time. [/restrict]