I’m reminded of what God said to prophet Hosea: “My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.”
We can’t be great in everything, — in some areas we all fall into mediocrity. So my question to GOD is “What do I need to kno
w to be fully HUMAN and fully ALIVE?
The Drama of the Gifted Child’ by Alice Miller is a psychological book that explores the impact of childhood trauma on adult behavior. It encourages readers to confront and heal from painful experiences to find true happiness.
“Without realizing that the past is constantly determining their present actions, they avoid learning anything about their history. They continue to live in their repressed childhood situation, ignoring the fact that it no longer exists, continuing to fear and avoid dangers that, although once real, have not been real for a long time.”
Dr Miller suggest that to discover your true self is through self-awareness and acknowledgement.
I was planning on a project that required time, energy and consistency. I did the outline about ten years ago. I think about it but I keep putting it off. I asked myself what’s holding you back from working on it? Why the procrastination?
FEAR
I suspect I fear of rejection… criticisms and condemnation of never good enough. I heard the voice in my head, “You’re just a girl”. Oh crap! God, I thought I was past fear of rejection. Not quite, I’m afraid.
There’s always that need to be accepted and loved. To be compliant and always present a good and non-existant perfect front. To be Kedung el ngalk is that dog with s bone… so ingrained in my brain even though I have broken almost every rule in the book.
It’s hard to grow and live your dream in a symbiotic culture. It may not be so for my children and grandchildren but it is with me. I gotta fight to break out of that invisible bag of compliance and fear [of rejection].
Rejection is the most painful emotion. It feels like death.
Emotional pain comes and goes like the ebb and flow of the tide. The process of a lifetime. To recline and regrowth. Sort of like the law of equilibrium. I’m guessing.