A man went into a restaurant which was offering a fixed-menu, three-course meal.

When the waiter brought the first course, the man tasted it and said: “What is this?”

The waiter replied: “It’s bean soup.”

[restrict]

The man then said: “I don’t care what it’s been. What is it supposed to be now?”

****

Chicken surprise, Joke.

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the ‘Chicken Surprise’.

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

‘Good grief, did you see that?’ she asks her husband.

He hasn’t, so she asks him to look in the pot.

He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

‘Please sir,’ says the waiter, ‘what you order?’

The husband replies, ‘Chicken Surprise.’

‘Ah! So sorry,’ says the waiter, ‘I bring you Peeking Duck!’

***

Hearing problems

An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem.

So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair.

He spoke softly to her, “Honey, can you hear me?”

There was no response.

He moved a little closer and said again, “Honey, can you hear me?”

Still, there was no response.

Finally he moved right behind her and said, “Honey, can you hear me?”

She replied, “For the third time, Yes!”

***

Canadian gentleman

 

An elderly Canadian gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.

At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

“You have been to France before, monsieur?” the customs officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.

“Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.”

The Canadian said, “The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.”

“Impossible, Canadians always have to show your passports on arrival in France!”

The Canadian senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look, then he quietly explained,

“Well, when I came ashore at Juno Beach on D Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn’t find any Frenchmen to show it to.”

***

SECRET OF HAPPY LONG LIFE

A single woman who retired just a few months back walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch in her neighbourhood.

“I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said.

“What’s your secret for a long happy life?”

“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said.

“I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.”

“That’s amazing,” the woman said.

“How old are you?’

“Twenty-six,” he said. [/restrict]