Top ten things you don’t want to hear from your real estate agent when you go to settlement on your new home:

  1. “I think unexplained crop circles add a unique flair to any home’s garden.”
  2. “Actually, it’s only the rear portion of the yard that overlaps the ancient Indian burial ground.”
  3. “Yes, the last owner did donate the house to the Hell’s Angels, but I’m told that the judge has ordered them not to come within 50 feet of it.”
  4. “One bleeding toilet doesn’t necessarily mean it’s haunted.”
  5. “Your neighbor has assured me that, technically, they’re not ‘killer’ bees.”
  6. “Even if there was a full-scale mudslide, it’s unlikely that it would reach as far back as your property.”
  7. “It’s quite common for roaches to grow that big even when not in the presence of radioactivity.”
  8. “Did you know that the band Grave Raper holds their practice sessions right next door?”
  9. “It’s true that they died in the house, but the prosecutor was never actually able to prove it was murder.”
  10. “You can barely hear the sheet metal factory at night.”