A woman from New York was getting her affairs in order. She prepared her will and made her final arrangements. As part of these arrangements she met with her pastor to talk about what type of funeral service she wanted, etc.

[restrict]

She told her pastor she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdale’s.

‘Bloomingdale’s!’ the pastor said. ‘Why Bloomingdale’s?’

‘That way, I know my daughters will visit me twice a week.’

****

Embarrassing Compulsion…

A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder into the bartender’s face. Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m really sorry. I keep doing that to bartenders. I can’t tell you how embarrassing it is to have a compulsion like this.”

Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic. Before long, he was suggesting that the man see an analyst about his problem.

“I happen to have the name of a psychoanalyst,” the bartender said. “My brother and my wife have both been treated by him, and they say he’s as good as they get.”

Six months later, the man was back.

“Did you do what I suggested?” the bartender asked, serving a glass of white wine.

“I certainly did,” the man said. “I’ve been seeing the psychoanalyst twice a week.” He took a sip of the wine, then he threw the remainder into the bartender’s face.

The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel. “The doctor doesn’t seem to be doing you any good,” he sputtered.

“On the contrary,” the man claimed, “he’s done me world of good.”

“But you threw the wine in my face again!” the bartender exclaimed.

“Yes,” the man replied. “But it doesn’t embarrass me anymore.”

***

Three men were talking about w…

Three men were talking about what their children would be saying about them thirty years from now.

“I would like my children to say, ‘He was successful in business’,” declared the first man.

“Thirty years from now,” said the second, “I want them to say, ‘He was a loyal family man’.”

Turning to the third man, the first one asked, “So what do you want them to say about you in thirty years?”

“Me?” the third man replied, “I want them all to say, ‘He certainly looks good for his age’!” [/restrict]