In her book, CAPTIVATING, Staci Eldredge writes “I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I’ve ever met feels it—something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heels, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.
“After all, if we were better women– whatever that means—life wouldn’t be so hard. Right? We wouldn’t have so many struggles; there would be less sorrow in our hearts. Why is it so hard to create meaningful friendships and sustain them? Why do our days seem so unimportant, filled not with romance and adventure but with duties and demands? We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought—that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain—uncertain what it even means to be a woman; uncertain what it truly means to be feminine; uncertain if we are or ever will be.
“Aware of our deep failings, we pour contempt on our own hearts for wanting more. Oh, we long for intimacy and for adventure; we long to be the Beauty of some great story. But the desires set deep in our hearts seem like a luxury, granted only to those women who get their acts together. The message to the rest of us—whether from a driven culture or a driven church—is: Try harder.”
Knowing the predicament we women find ourselves in, it would take a miracle to renew our minds to stop feeling shame for being less, not enough, to simply accept our imperfect self.
Dr. Daniel Amen, I call the Brain Man, is an American psychiatrist, and a brain disorder scientist. He says that some parts of our brain are inherited. It was a big Aha moment for me. Instead of researching my women’s ancestral history, I just went straight to Eve, the first woman mentioned in the Book of Genesis. The Bible is silent on Eve’s age. But Adam lived to be 800. Perhaps Eve died some years after Adam. If you think about it, Eve lived with guilt and shame for a long time. Almost a century for Eve to feel shame of falling short, not enough and blame herself for disobeying the FATHER. That’s a torture of the brain. Do I have some of her self-torture in my brain. It’s possible. I think it’s clear as to why the Bible mention her son Seth. She must have felt redeemed (Genesis 3:15). It’s also very important to understand the work of Jesus on the cross; to save our souls. His resurrection to make all things new. That we rise up each day to receive his grace and forgiveness, to letting us grow and mature by renewing our mind and say, “I AM ENOUGH!”
Father what we know not, teach us. What we have not, give us. What we are not, make us. For your Son’s sake. Amen