A woman said, “I feel so very hurt when my sister and her children ignore me. She excludes me. Her kids came e kuk dimlak dil louchais-ekung. Ngdi ngii ma lak de chad.” Those are painful words of rejection. My response was: “I’m sorry. That’s been the case as far back as I can remember. They do keep to themselves.” It was not the time for some quasi-religious advice. That would minimize her pain.
When you most need validation and support to get through the worst pain of your life, to be confronted with the well-meaning, but quasi-religious advise of these insidious half-truths can be deeply demoralizing – to lose hope and confidence.
Holy talk feeds guilt and shame, hinders and prevent grieving, encourages grandiosity (Narcissistic personality disorder) and entitlement as if you’re above reality of a broken world. Healing requires grief work and should be encouraged not condemned. Sometime we just have to cry. Tears are like water that washes our wounds.
We all want to be included, invited, and be loved. Unfortunately it’s not always the case. In life in almost every family, trauma(s) come in and stir up the water and nothinĺg is ever the same. It becomes murky, toxic, and dysfunctional. The water settles and things are clear for awhile then something of little significance happen and triggers the wounds of rejection and abandonment from 30 years ago.
Forgive again. Change our attitude. It’ll hurt even after forgiveness. It hurts a lot so we stay there for a little while in quietness then begin to rewire our brain to think as victor, not a victim. Here’s the reason for journaling. It’s a long and arduous process. It’l make you see where you were and how far you’ve come in your journey to wholeness. It’s doable.
Remember that in any dysfunctional family, everyone is broken and hurting. When we are hurting we hurt others. It’s all
Grace if we’re included. It’s serendipity. We don’t look for it finds us. We push to change our perspective: IT’S NOT ABOUT ME.
It’s not about me. I don’t have to fight for my space. I’m already in my space.