Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
[restrict]
****
Doctor: You’re obese.
***
Patient: Whoa, for that I definitely want a second opinion.
****
A chubbier woman: Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?
Mirror: “Kindly move aside. I can’t see anything.”
****
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
***
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
***
I visited my new friend in his flat. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
****
Black humor is like a pair of healthy kidneys. Not everyone has it.
****
A doctor walks in a cemetery one afternoon when a hand shoots through the earth and grabs his ankle. A hollow voice speaks from underneath the ground, “You’re a doctor, right? Do you have anything against worms?”
****
How did the dentist suddenly become a brain surgeon?
A slip of the hand.
****
I had to get rid of the boyfriend. My cat got allergic to him. [/restrict]