If everyone is thinking alike then no one is thinking.  ~ Benjamin Franklin

My father taught me to think and express myself as best I can.  I was born with speech impediment that made life difficult.  I remember being ridiculed and laughed at at school. Even adults looked at me as if I were a freak. Couple of teachers ignored my raised hand and call the kid next to me. At fourth grade I just stopped raising my hand. And somewhere deep in my brain I believed my family were ashamed of me. I felt like an impostor in a world belonging to the good and perfect people.  When you’re shamed you unconsciously develop self-loathing and fear of not good enough and developed an attitude to maintain distance. I look back and realized I was avoiding rejection. It’s taken me years to integrate that self-hatred (shadow) and love of self (light). The shadow does not, nor will it diffuse the light. They just agree to live in peace and harmony.  Like our planet Earth is good with night and day. The stars above  are happy twinkling in the dark sky. With the brain being plastic you can do it. Becoming a whole person is a hard work. It takes tears and sweat to let go of your fear of being judged and find joy of being unique and different. Becoming you will find confidence in being you.

Confidence comes from understanding your own worth. It takes a long time to learn it. But once you find it, you become a different person. Uniquely you.  Confidence is not something that you step up to. It is something you relax into. It’s about being genuinely comfortable in your own skin and with all that you lack.  In other words your strengths integrated with your weaknesses from within (internal) will resist  threats that are external so you can recognize opportunities–  and1 go for it.

What threatens you may push you to chase away your fears and pursue excellence or it’ll numb you and keep you stagnant and justifiably angry and arrogant.  BTW the latter won’t read this article. Lol.  It’s how you think of who you are that liberate or imprison you.  Lack of confidence blinds you so you can’t see beauty around you. Everything seems to threaten you subconsciously. Anxiety

can be overwhelming. Be more aware of your feelings and emotions. Get to know your heart. Don’t compare yourself with others.  You’re as unique as your thumb print.

We’ve all been compared to those children down the street. It’s hard growing up with competitive mindset. If you want to change your world, change your thinking. Look for people who encourage you to think and express yourself. God placed that passion in your marrow. So go deep within your heart and get to know you heart. Your heart matters to God.  Your heart is good. Remember that history is made by those who don’t follow rules. I don’t mean the criminals but people like Mahatma Ghandi and Martin Luther King, Jr., and our very own Roman Tmetuchl. He defied the rules United Nation mandated upon us as Trust Territory of the Pacific Islands and separated our small island to become an independent nation. 

I wonder what and where would I be if I was born without any physical deformity or suffering.

What could be more exciting? Frederick Buechner believed that  “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” What could be more hopeful.

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