Many young people know “Evolve or Die” through their choice of music. I like the title because it makes sense to our relationships. We can’t remain in a toxic relationship and expect growth.
It’s not just about romance but all relationship. Living with a hypercritical person is toxic. Living with a narcissistic person is also very toxic. That’s where you learned to hate yourself. Unworthy. Unlovable, Screwed-up individual who doesn’t deserve to live and be loved. The devil is so good at toxic relationships that he has intensified the pain of being abused emotionally, psychologically, physically, or sexually by silencing it with your choice of drug, in all of us, especially the young people. It’s like the Lost Boys in the Neverland. They’re stuck in that tiny island and have no clue that there’s a great world out there just waiting to be explored. Most of the time when you live in a bubble you can’t see yourself in a bubble. You only see what’s in the bubble.
When I read Amy Tan’s book, Joy Luck Club, and later saw the movie, I understood what performance through manipulation is all about… and we call it culture. People have become numb, unfeeling, and hopeless. It’s like we drive on autopilot: work, home, children, siukang. We forget to change gear when we go uphill, straining to keep climbing or just going down the hill without brake fluid. Stop reading and look around you. What do you see? What do you hear? How do you feel?
Lillian Glass who wrote the book, Toxic People, defines a toxic relationship as “any relationship (between people who) don’t support each other, where there’s conflict, and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness. While every relationship goes through ups and downs, Glass says a toxic relationship is consistently unpleasant and draining for the people in it, to the point that negative moments outweighs and outnumber the positive ones. Dr. Kristen Fuller, a California-based family medicine, physician who specializes in mental health, adds that toxic relationships are mentally, emotionally, and possibly even physically damaging to one or both participants. It’s the insidious, gradual and intentional erosion of a person’s sense of self-worth. It’s a combination of emotional and psychological abuse that undermining your identity for the sole purpose of control…that looks so much like loving and caring.
I really believe that our custom makes us a socialist society – It’s as if we have no choice. Nor do we don’t own our lives. We don’t own our hard-earned money. We don’t even dare speak our minds for fear of being labeled as disrespectful obnoxious child. We do forget to think for ourselves. However, without consciousness there is no change. As we are on autopilot most of the time, we need to be more conscious about what we are doing.

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