It took a while for me to recognize unsafe or harmful people in my life.  I tried thinking I was being kind and a good Christian. What a trip!  One day I just decided to let go so I can be myself again. I believe we can’t worship a true God with our false self. And thinking you should do this and that in order to go to heaven is a superficial faith and unbiblical, also know as legalism. Always looking on the outside.

 God chose David because he saw his character.  David didn’t look very good on the outside – not tall enough, not handsome enough and had spent too much time in the sun. I saw a movie long ago about David and Bathsheba played by Gregory Peck and Susan Hayward. Two of the most beautiful people in Hollywood. It made me laugh because David was a Jewish boy.  Peck was English. Hayward was Swedish. Bathdheba was also Jewish like David.  But that’s Hollywood for you — which proves my point. They are too busy positioning themselves, putting on an act as if they have it all together separate from their sekves – their hearts.

The people that seem to always have it all together are really dangerous to other people. They are self-righteousness and perfectionists. They demand trust but they will betray you in an instant. They’re quick to judge and condemn you. They tell you what you should do to be acceptable by God.  I once confronted a couple of women and they abandoned me so fast I was afraid they would collide with a running train.  Some blow up or disappear. 

They are very religious instead of being spiritual. 

I remember when I first committed my life as a Christian I looked up to religious people.  They knew their God and their Bible knowledge was impressive. They seemed so strong and so “together” I wanted to be like them. I hung around these people for about five years. During that time I grew a lot and learned a lot of theology without realizing I was going farther away from being real me.  I became more religious and less spiritual as I know now.  I was moving farther away from my vulnerability, my pain, and my need for other people, my sinfulness, my bad parts – my shadows.  I felt disconnected from many aspects of what it means to be a person. 

I was awakened when I experienced more than I cared for in failed relationships.  OK, it’s time to run back to my relationship with Jesus Christ where I can be real and say,  “Jesus may I have just one day  free of physically pain, please.”

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