The more you know yourself the more you forgive yourself.             -Confucius

My heaviest burden was self- condemnation:  anxiety – fear of failure and shame. I know I  blamed myself so much that made me physically sick. A result of being the family scapegoat growing up.

A good friend said to me many years ago:  “Stop being so hard on yourself.”  I thought about that for a while. What was l doing?  I was condemning myself all the time. 

“There is therefore now no  condemnation for those who are in Christ,” writes Paul to the Romans. (new operation at work here) ♡♡♡

God’s grace has saved us.  His mercy has delivered us from fear of punishment. Sounds too good to be true?! Yes, but it is true! Try it, you’ll see.

I still remember the day I was freed – delivered from self-condemnation. I was in Rochester, NY.,  twenty-three years ago to date. It was the day I recognized what it was that made me break out in sweat because I made a mistake inadvertently. I was having anxiety attack – self-condemnation.

At that time I just became a believer and this whole Christianity thing was new to me. I didn’t really know how to pray. I went to my hotel room and cried myself to sleep.  God heard my cry. That was the day the LORD became real to me. Brennan Manning calls it, “Encountering God”. He writes,  “We encounter God in the ordinariness of life: not in the search for spiritual highs and extraordinary, mystical experiences but in our simple presence in life.”

I still sin everyday and make mistakes but I don’t go crazy for being a flawed human being. I live in God’s love that never fails. I’m a working progress.

Every time I think of that day in Rochester, it warms my heart because God answered me. It was as if a ton of bricks gently slid off my shoulders and my back. The presence of the Spirit of the LORD was thick in the air.

Amazing how knowing and acknowledging the problem is key to healing.

David’s Psalms are my “GoTO” when I simply don’t know what to pray or do in any situation. In Psalms 34. “I sought the Lord, and he answered me;  he delivered me from all my fears.”

Apostle Paul says that what he  wants to do he doesn’t do but do what he hates. He knew himself well enough to confess his sins and weaknesses even after his Damascus Road encounter with God.  He was so legalistic that all he saw were sins and sinners. His legalism turned him into a mean judge that turned him into a murderer. He had to encounter the Lord for his new beginning in grace. He became Paul the Apostle of Grace.

A considerable feat.

I needed to trust God and his word and to renew my mind that I  was loved and accepted. I’m forgiven. No more people pleasing… my faith pleases my Creator. That’s enough.

Grace is the unmerited favor of God. Salvation is FREE. You can not earn it.  It’s a free gift. His love is unconditional.  You just have to receive it, open the gift and see. The rest follows. The more we understand God’s grace the more we live in gratitude.  Gratitude changes your attitude.

David continues with these lines “taste and see that the LORD is good;  blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.”

The three giants of the Bible were murderers- 1) Moses killed an Egyptian, 2) David killed Uriah, husband Bathseba, and 3) Saul who became Paul killed Christians. They know what they’re talking about.

Paul said that in Christ we are a  new creation. A working progress. Be patient with yourself.

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