Imagine a toddler left alone in her crib thinking and waiting for her mother to love her. -~Anonymous
The most deceiving aspect of a healing journey is: you’ve dealt with the most obvious issue in your life and you think you’re done. So you quit counseling. Like your husband left you for another. You understand why. You accept it and you’re ready to move on. You feel so relieved. You feel like you just unloaded a sack of 50 pound rice you’ve been carrying since the divorce. Celebrate! A month later you walk into a room full of people and see your Ex sitting with her, the angelized one while you have been demonized. Some of them turn to look at you and roll their eyes. A couple dress you down almost in disgust, some whisper and giggle. Others pretend they don’t see you. Your hands begin to sweat while something wild but familiar is stirring inside you. You stand there alone… in pain. You just don’t know what and where the pain is coming from… social anxiety or something else. You feel inferior, not belonging. So you put on airs and walk (strut?) down the aisle to an empty chair in front. Shame, fear, guilt wreak havoc in your tummy making you react arrogantly thinking you’re better than… An inferiority complex turned superior- your great defense – a stronghold. You sit down and slowly exhale avoiding eyes. Anxiety subsides. All these emotions took about five seconds or less. That’s how fast your minds operate. Like the surface of the earth at the equator moves roughly 1,000 miles per hour. Your mind is faster. Scientists estimated the mind travels in no time in comparison to light travels. The point I’m trying to say here is: in our healing journey, we easily forget faster than our breathing. But they’re there. As you stand there from the time you entered the room your mind subconsciously became that toddler alone in the crib waiting for her mother to love her, to the chair 25 years later. Ahhh easy peasy! Not!
Our life goes beyond self-awareness building to supporting transformational changes through small incremental steps by addressing several areas of life. To recalibrate your life means all aspects of your life – your well-being. What you received the first time was just a tip of the iceberg.
Attachment theory is based on the relationship and bonds that people usually show in long term relationships. The type of attachment style of every person is usually formed early in childhood, based on the type of relationship that a child had with their parents or primary caregivers.
John Bowlby was the first psychologist who described attachment as a “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings”. He was specifically interested in understanding why children experience anxiety and distress when they are separated from their primary caregivers, usually their parents.
The anxious-insecure attachment style – this was me… escaping pain, I ran before I was abandoned or rejected.
Our journey toward maturity is rocky and long and in many layers. Our destiny is to achieve better mental health and stop being former children of attachment traumatizing parents, allowing ourselves to individuate to develop self love and self esteem.
Jesus helped me and is still helping me with this journey. I told him what I thought was wrong and malfunctioning part of my head. He’s a real gentleman. He wouldn’t heal anything in your heart without your invitation.
Father, What we know not teach us. What we have not, give us. What we are not make us for your Son’s sake. Amen