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- If a man said he’ll fix it, he’ll fix it. There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it.
- You look just like I feel…
- I’m pretty sure some people’s head is just a backup copy of their butt.
Fart when people hug you. You’ll make them feel strong.
I didn’t fall down. I did attack the floor though.
Funny that you can’t spell “slaughter” without “laughter”.
We got divorced on the grounds of religious differences. My husband thought he was God.
Money alone won’t make you happy. You’ve got to own it.
A sound defense:
Crazy? Me? Nah – It was the voices that told me to do it.
I speak fluent Ironic with a solid sarcastic accent.
I used to think that you were a pain in the neck. My opinion of you has dropped significantly lower since then.
Dogs have beloved masters. Cats have waiting staff.
What to say to a person that goes on your nerves?
I think you deserve a standing ovation … of my longest finger!
I’ve been single for so many years I believe I will soon become an album.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that your urge to pee intensifies as you are unlocking the door.
Sorry, I can’t hang out. My auntie’s cousin’s brother in law’s best friend’s accountant’s roommate’s pet goldfish died. Some other time maybe.
I had loads to do today. Ah well, so now I have loads to do tomorrow.
All my life I thought air was for free. That was until I bought a bag of crisps.
Of course you’re not fat. Just grab a couple of chairs and come sit with us. [/restrict]