You are not the darkness you endured. You are the light that refused to surrender.”                  ― JOHN MARK GREEN

Most of my journey began, and still is, the healing of my inner child. That little child who grew up very lonely in a large family. Sounds contradicting in terms, yes?!.The deep sense of being alone like that student sitting in the back of the classroom. I projected how I felt inside. Looking back I know why I was the way I was- Mischievous. A deeply wounded child on a self-destructive road to nowhere.  She just wanted to be heard and seen like all the  children do. Instead she was shamed for it. She was tripping on a drug called, Unworthy Acid, that was consuming her heart. The child’s soul was being washed daily by stress hormones (cortisol) resulting in C-PTSD,  causing all sorts of physical ailments, even suicide. When a child becomes aware of their unconscious mind, healing began.

Healing of my inner castle began with self-awareness. Sister Theresa of Avilla called her heart, the inner castle. I like that.  A place where the KING and LORD of the Universe lives. Yes, we are kingdom people.

Many of our core beliefs about the world are actually formed before the age of eight.  This doesn’t seem to make sense. In fact, from birth until age seven we see ourselves as omnipotent, like little gods. We believe that everything that happens in our  environment is our doing. We aren’t yet fully aware that other people, including our parents, are separate people with their own lives. This is a heavy burden on a young child.

When a child is overly protected unconsciously by an anxious parent or abused physically, verbally and emotionally by a wounded parent, the child believes that what happened to them is their fault. It’s an outrageous burden on a child.  It’s vital to get ourselves healed and let the rest be a process of learned behaviors. When you heal your inner child, your children see the change and begin to emulate you, even  surpass us. They become better or greater than than us parents. It’s quite healthy, a good news.

It’s the psychology of the people. It’s what’s inside of the people that matters. I realized my need for help. It was time I took care of myself emotionally — to be more compassionate, kind, gentle, and generous to myself. I learned to say NO. And, I stopped hoping I would be loved unconditionally. We are all broken people living in a broken world. It would be smart to forgive the unconsciousness of our parents and others even our children. Jesus prayed, “Father, forgive them for they know not (unconscious) what they do.” I needed someone to help me see what I must do to be the person I was meant to be.

Montina Meyers-Galloway licensed clinical mental health counselor in Charlotte, North Carolina, explains that emotional neglect involves unnoticed or unaddressed emotional needs.

“Children need someone to listen to them, to validate their feelings, to have appropriate expectations for them based on their age, and they need the adults in their life to provide guidance on the challenges they face as they are developing,” she explains.

Growing in my faith led me to pursue excellence for myself. To love self is imperative. Forgiving self is liberating. To not be so hard on myself is a must.

One of the best ways to be healed, in my opinion, is to serve others. It’s our higher calling as human beings to serve others.  Especially the ungrateful ones who complain that I forgot the table salt.

When I started college I worked as a waitress to support myself like so many students. I loved it. The reward of being servants is we get to witness miracles in the kitchen. Like the servants who were the first witnesses of Jesus turning water into wine.

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