A tongue is like a two edge

d sword. It can produce good and bad consequences.  It can bless and it can kill. 

Many years ago, I was invited to speak to a group of people. I was nervous, so very nervous I felt cold sweat dripping down my spine. I prayed silently along these lines– God, if you can hear me, please help me. I know I can speak too fast, but I can’t stand dull speeches either. Please turn down a notch or two on my tongue and use me to bless these people. You know my speech impediment that shamed me as a child. If you can make a donkey talk, you can do the same with me, if you want to. Thank you.”

I longed to be understood. I longed to be accepted.  I longed to be heard. In the healing process of damaged emotions and fractured mind there were many dark moments that I didn’t want to venture into out of fear. However, if I didn’t try, I’d be stuck. Then I read a book by John Powell with couple of quotes that changed my perspective. One by Dale Carnegie, “Two men looked out from prisons bars, one saw the mud, the other saw stars.”  The second one is by Charles A. Beard, “When it’s dark enough you can see stars.”

I realized then that I do have a long way to go and it begins in the dark night of my soul (John of the Cross). I started looking up, looking for the stars.

Anger is related to the “fight, flight, or freeze” response of the sympathetic nervous system; it prepares humans to fight. But fighting doesn’t necessarily mean throwing punches. I’ve been angry for so long I’m afraid I didn’t know any other way of responding but reacting with anger. I paid for it.  It was a hard life of frustrating exhaustion and I was really tired of it. 

I have done original work in my life internally but I knew I had to dig down and find residue of bitterness jealousy, envy, and hate. I have grieved the loss of my relationships, friends, colleagues and co-workers because of damaged emotions. I also realized there’s no going back.  Just keep going forward. I found peace knowing I have to trust GOD for all things to work together for my good. The fertilizers, the pruning had brought me thus far. I only need to breathe.

God, please make us gentle women, lucid and wise in our speech. It’s not easy being a woman, to begin with in a society such as ours. For what we know not teach us. For what we have not, give us.  For what we are not, make us for your Son’s sake.

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