When Abe returned home from work, his wife Ruth said, “So how was your day?”
He replied, “I met an artist and I’ve never met someone so talented. He said he painted a picture of a cobweb on his wall and it looked so real, the maid tried for over an hour to get it off.
[restrict]
Ruth said, “I don’t believe him.”
“Why not?” said Abe, “some artists are very good indeed.”
“Maybe,” said Ruth, “But maids aren’t.”
***
Beer Machismo
After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the Presidents of the brewreys decide to go to the pub for a drink. The coors President said “Can I have the only beer made with Rocky Mountain Spring Water: a Coors, please.”
The bartender gave him the drink.
Then the Budweiser President orders, “The King Of Beers — Budweiser.”
The bartender proceeds with the order.
The Amstel President walks in and orders “The Finest Beer ever.”
The bartender gives him an Amstel.
Then the Guinness President says, “I’ll have a coke please.”
The bartender is taken aback by this but gives the coke to him anyway.
All the Presidents looked over at him and said, “Why have you ordered a coke?”
He replied, “Well if you all aren’t drinking beer, then neither shall I.”
****
A Penny for Your Thoughts
One night, a wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib. Silently she watched him.
As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, even skepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. “A penny for your thoughts,” she said.
“It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $67.50.”
***
A guy is 86 years old and love
A guy is 86 years old and loves to fish.He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,
“Pick me up.”
He looked around and couldn’t see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,
“Pick me up.” He looked in the water and there, floating on the top was a frog.
The man said, “Are you talking to me?”
The frog said, “Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up.
Then, kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you haveever seen.
I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride.”
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said, “What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.”
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
“Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.” [/restrict]