• Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
  • If love is blind, then marriage is its spectacles.
  • The shortest horror story: Monday.
  • Stupidity knows no boundaries, but it knows a lot of people.

What would you, as an uninvolved party, say on the topic of intelligence?

  • How to win the heart of a woman? Kiss her, love her, go to the end of the world for her.

How to win the heart of a man? Come naked and carry a pack of beer.

  • Intelligence relentlessly rides in your wake – but you are faster.

4 bottles of bleach: $20.00. A coil of rope, 4 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $45.00. 3 boxes of XXL bin liners: $10.00.

  • The look on the cashier’s face: Priceless!

The password to your life is “Humor”.

  • Good persuasion technique:

Come over to the dark side… we’ve got candy.

  • A truth of life:

Only ever trust your own butt to always stand behind you!

  • German saying:

Too long speeches lead to no actions.

  • Some harsh morning reality:

The early bird dies of sleep deprivation.

  • The weekend has landed:

Goodbye, social status and dignity. I’ll see you Monday.

  • Don’t share the host’s music taste?:

“I believe they are actually using this music to keep the hobos from train stations.”

  • Need to defend a messy apartment?

We maintain an alternative lifestyle.

  • A smooth break-up line:

There was a time when I would have given myself to you, now I’m not even willing to throw up in your direction.

Thank you, I don’t need a hairstylist. My pillow creates a new hairdo for me every morning.

What not to say when you get pulled over:

Police officer: Papers.

Driver: Scissors.

Dear math exercise book, kindly grow up finally and solve your own problems!

  • When you just want to be mean:

If I were you, I’d wish to be me!

  • Sunday early bird:

Why do you call so early? It is Sunday! 3 pm in the morning!!!