You are only free when you realize you belong no place—you belong every place—no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.” ~MAYA ANGELOU
People struggle for not having a place they call home or at least a room to rest their head and be refreshed. Something they call home. They feel lost, not belonging. Our culture is actually very conditional and expensive; it’s driving our children to the edge. They get tired of trying to make it to the center. When we reject them by criticizing them or constantly instructing them — telling what and how to do a,b,c… we kill their hearts. We push them away and give them space to run to medicate themselves with their drug of choice. Or we enable them by giving them everything they want and ignore their needs. And we wonder where we went wrong. It takes humility to admit our wrongs.
Children knows when they are loved unconditionally. They know when they’re not loved. They know when they’re not the favored one 0without a caregiver uttering a word. Children may not say it but they know without knowing how they know you don’t accept them. Its painful. Most of the time they just withdraw to themselves. They train themselves to be invisible.
A good parent discipline their child – teaching not condemning. A weak parent spoils her children for fear of rejections. A strong parent correct the child with love.
None of us and I mean no one is a perfect parent. And no one grew up in a perfect home. Some didnt even know one or both of their parents. The fact that we have one thing in common for sure is we all need to belong. It’s a big part of being human – to have a sense of belonging. It is crucial to our life satisfaction, happiness, mental and spiritual health, qphysical health and even longevity. It gives us a sense of purpose and meaning. Research has shown that loss of belonging has been associated with stress, illness and decreased well-being and depression.
If you’ve been following this corner you know that for the past 20 years it’s been about knowing yourself, finding your self, and belonging (to your heart where the Spirit of God lives). You’re content to be there even when you have nothing to boast about. Your false self is the one that did everything to be accepted by the powers that be for fear of not crossing every ‘t’s and dotting ever ‘i’s. Ironically the more I get to know myself the more I have a choice to do what’s acceptable and legal without fear of rejection. It’s not an “I don’t care”attitude. It’s an attitude of gratitude with freedom to choose. I’ve found by experience that a home is a state-of-mind. Irs not a physical place.
When find your ‘self’ your body speaks loudly reflecting what’s inside. There’s no magic to it. Just accept all of your self with all the good, the bad and ugly. The integration of shadows and lights to make you whole. Not perfect. Whole. It takes time to become whole. That’s home.